Have you ever seen a shinier couch in the whole wide world?
It looks kinda like Arnie Shwarzen-ham-and-egg-n'burger did back in his Mr Universe days - all oil gloss over taught, rippling leather-like skin.
I'm concerned that if I attempted to sit on this couch I would actually slip right off it and do some serious damage to my ass. Nobody wants that. I'm no JLo but I do like my butt and I would like to keep it in its current non-smashed-up state.