Friday, March 16, 2007

Bringing up Baby (Bogan style)

Now this couch is what is wrong with Australia. It's one of those little kiddie flip-out-into-a-bed couches. I had one of them when I was a kid. Loved it. I think it was a Strawberry Shortcake one and it made sleep-overs at Nana and Pa's even more fun.
But this one's got "Holden Racing Team" emblazoned across it. The child who sleeps in this bed has no hope but to grow up a bogan. That's because his Mum's a bogan and his Dad's a bogan - gotta be. And we all know that when you've got two dominant bogan genes, it takes a hell of a lot of willpower, exposure to Vogue (when it doesn't have eejits such as Sienna Miller on the cover) and other fahionable reference points to overcome a Double Bogan Gene. The DBG baby must never taste Bundaberg Rum, Jim Beam, Cougar (or any bourbon other than Maker's Mark) or else he will instantly sprout a mullet, find his legs wrapped in acid-wash skinny jeans and a Winnie Blue will be permanently hanging out of his mouth. Same goes for his sister.

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