Nieman Marcus, what have you done?

It's been an awfully long time since I blogged. I've probably lost all my loyal readers, but that's only fair as I have hardly earnt their loyalty of late.
But with couches like this one still out in the world, clearly some more blogging needs to be done!
This is supposedly from Neiman Marcus, an uber posh department store in the States. I've been there, they normally sell quite nice stuff. This definitely does not fit that category. Not cool.

Craig's List

Sometimes, I don't even have to do any work.

This came up under the headline "Fugly Couch" on Craig's List. Here's what the seller had to say:

fugly couch
You've been warned! This couch will almost make your eyes bleed. It's an orange striped couch with squishy cushions and it's in desperate need of a new living room, basement, garage or curb. It's not half bad, just unloved. The naked cushions do have covers (see second pic - they're hiding behind the futon), as they were recently laundered and nobody had the incentive to put them back on. Great for parties, especially if you're too drunk to notice how ugly it is. On the bright side, it hides stains pretty well.

At least they're not deluded, like the many sad people who've been featured here in the past.
I think my parents said the same thing about their choice of carpet for our home - "it''ll hide the stains well". With three kids, that was their priority. Needless to say, the carpet would probably end up on a Fugly Carpet blog. Thankfully most of it has gone since Dad got the carpet ripped up and the floorboards polished. Brown florals, mmm...

PB and J - the play

Ok, it's not a couch. It has nothing to do with couches. Maybe there's a couch in the play? Regardless, this is a shameless promotion for my mate Tara's play, PB and J, which begins this weekend at the New York Fringe Festival. That's Tara in the middle of the front row there.

Tara is, in a word, AMAZING. She and I met in Ireland back in 2002. We've both experienced the delights of working for the Korean Embassy in Dublin. And she is a super bloody talented playwright. This girl is still under 30 -and making me sick - with her incredible creativity, drive and integrity.

I know a few of you lovely Fugly Couch readers are in or around NYC. I hope you get the chance to see PB and J or can at least spread the word.

Break a leg, Tara!

And I thought I was high maintenance

My friend Luke sent me this couch. Does anyone have any idea of the story behind it? Luke also suggested I should have James Brown's "Get up offa that thing" as the theme for the blog. I've tried attaching it but have no idea if it is possible to put sound on here. I think that may be more of a My Space thing, and frankly I just can't be bothered.

Anyways, in doing a search to try and find out about the grass couch, I stumbled across this, and I think it is bloody genius:

How cool would this be in your backyard? Apparently you grow the couch over this frame:

Some people, well, they have truly thought of everything!

Be a bit of a bitch to mow, though.

Rugby rocks

My mates know how much I love the rugby. I looked forward to going to the Bledisloe Cup at the MCG for months. And I have a relatively extensive rugby shirt collection from when I worked at Guinness in Dublin. My leaving present was a Dublin rugby jersey and I also got a 6 Nations Guinness jersey too. It's cute - it's six pints all lined up with the symbols of all the nations in the head of the beer.
Yet, as much as I love rugby, this supposedly "rugby" fabric couch does nothing for me. A striped jersey is one thing, they're comfortable and warm, but applying this to your couch really just doesn't work for me.

Lotsa love

This couch is being marketed as a "love seat" Love seat, huh? Right, what kind of love are we talking about here? The kind of love that actually involves hate? Passive aggressive love? The love of really ugly items for your home? Whatever love it involves, it's not the sort of love I want to share, thanks. If being in love means owning this couch, I'll stick to being a Bridget Jones singleton.

Mega discomfort

Have you ever seen a less comfortable looking couch? Seriously? I thought the bus stop couch was bad. but am pretty sure that that one may have been designed with the semi-industrial market in mind.
This one, however, is meant for your home. Give me my gorgeous green velvet number any day. (Speaking of, promise to post a pic of my couch soon).

Santa Fe Gold

I get that there was a time when this kind of fabric was in. It was the late '80s and early '90s. They called it "Santa Fe style" over here in Oz, no idea what it was called outside of here.

Obviously it was a fashion best left in the past. What gets me about this couch is it's only four years old! Yep, someone thought this looked good back in 2003. Oh, the horror...

If you're hungover, look away

I truly believe vomit would be induced looking at this if feeling at all seedy. I love the colour green, it's my clear favourite, but this just is not even worthy of being called green. Yuck.

Special room

The person who's selling this is trying to pretend they've moved and this no longer fits their decor. As much as I would LOVE to believe this is the true setting for this lounge suite, I've gotta say it seems a lot more likely to be a staged room. Especially since they're offering free shipping - because normal people do that all the time.

But how fabulous would it be to visit someone's house and find this whole set-up? Especially with the lamps, they are pretty bloody amazing. Of course, they wouldn't be friends of yours, because you couldn't possibly be friends with someone who had this taste, but it would be great if they were a family friend or something. $4000 will get this "French Provincial" fugliness in your home.

Normal fugly transmission resumes

Well, after the diversion with the meme, it's back to the couches.

This one looks like it's come off the set of The Golden Girls. Apparently it's got that "Hawaii feeling that many of us aspire to". Guess I'm just not that aspirational...